10% Happier with Dan Harris

What Does it Actually Mean to Be a "Whole Person"? | Scott Barry Kaufman

In this episode, we're going to demystify concepts such as: self actualization, personal growth, authenticity, and bringing your "whole self" to the table.  Scott Barry Kaufman is a cognitive scientist and humanistic psychologist. He is the founder and director of the Center for the Science of Human Potential at the University of Melbourne's Centre for Wellbeing Science. He also hosts the #1 psychology podcast in the world - The Psychology Podcast. And he is the author of a new book called Transcend: The New Science of Self-Actualization. We talk about the meaning of "transcendence" and the difference between transcending in an unhealthy and healthy way; being compassionate, understanding, accepting, forgiving, and perhaps even loving about your foibles and ugliness; and the difference between authenticity and "pseudo-authenticity". You can download the Ten Percent Happier app here today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Here are the steps for sending us a question for our upcoming Work Life Series: 1. Go to a quiet place and open the default voice memo recording app on your phone. 2. Hold the phone about 8-10 inches from your face, then tap "record." 3. Tell us your name, where you're from, and what your question is. Try to keep it to about a minute or so. 4. Stop the recording, then check it to make sure it sounds clear. 5. Email it to us at: listener@tenpercent.com by September 27, 2021. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/scott-barry-kaufman-381

Psychedelics and Meditation | Michael Pollan

<p>Michael Pollan has done more than perhaps anybody else in recent history to change the conversation on the use of psychedelic drugs, or plant medicine. He is author of the best selling book called How to Change Your Mind and he recently followed up with another book called This is Your Mind on Plants. Pollan is also the co-founder of the University of California Berkeley Center for the Science of Psychedelics, along with another recent podcast guest, Dacher Keltner.  In this conversation we talk about whether psychedelics and meditation can mix and the links between psychedelics, meditation and Buddhism; the universal human drive to change consciousness; and his experiences with the three plants that he focuses on in his new book: opium, caffeine, and mescaline. Please note: this episode contains conversations about depression, suicide, and substance use.  Here are the steps for sending us a question for our upcoming Work Life Series: 1. Go to a quiet place and open the default voice memo recording app on your phone. 2. Hold the phone about 8-10 inches from your face, then tap "record." 3. Tell us your name, where you're from, and what your question is. Try to keep it to about a minute or so. 4. Stop the recording, then check it to make sure it sounds clear. 5. Email it to us at: listener@tenpercent.com by September 27, 2021. Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/michael-pollan-380</p>

How to Get the Wisdom of Old Age Now | Dilip Jeste

Happiness levels are really high when we're young. They then steadily dip through our 20s, 30s, and 40s, and bottom out in our early 50s–at which point, they make a sharp and sudden rise. Then, through our 60s, 70s, and 80s, they are way above where we were in our youth.  Why is this? Why do we get happier even as our bodies are falling apart? Here's another question: Why, from the standpoint of evolution, do humans stick around way past the point of reproductive age? The answer to all of these questions, per our guest today, is: wisdom.  Dr. Dilip Jeste is a Distinguished Professor of Psychology at the University of California, San Diego, and the author of Wiser: The Scientific Roots of Wisdom, Compassion, and What Makes Us Good. In this conversation, we talk about how exactly he defines wisdom, what people of all ages can do to become wiser now, and the relationship between wisdom and loneliness. A quick content warning: this conversation includes references to sensitive topics, including suicide, substance abuse, and depression. Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/dilip-jeste-379

Life, Interrupted | Suleika Jaouad

Here's a thought experiment: how would you handle it if you got a terrible diagnosis? Of course, many of us have no choice but to find out. This is the situation Suleika Jaouad faced when she got gravely ill at a very young age. She had to figure out how to have a sense of agency when so much was out of her control, and how to stay awake and present when her life was hanging in the balance.  Suleika Jaouad is a journalist, author, speaker, cancer survivor, and the author of a book called Between Two Kingdoms: A Memoir of a Life Interrupted. She is also the creator of "Life, Interrupted," the Emmy award-winning New York Times column and video series that she created from her hospital bed.  In this conversation, we talk about: Suleika's journey from being diagnosed with leukemia as a young adult to her recovery today; managing your emotions in excruciating situations; handling an ocean of uncertainty; feeding your need for creativity and productivity when your body is in mutiny mode; and the immense value of strategically going easy on yourself, especially when you're an ambitious person.  Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/suleika-jaouad-378

A More Relaxed Way to Meditate | Alexis Santos

A common problem among type-A people is trying to win at meditation. But the practice doesn't work like that. If you over-effort, if you try to make something happen, it's pretty much guaranteed not to happen. What is guaranteed is that you will suffer. Meditation is like a video game where you can't move forward if you want to move forward too badly.  Our guest today is Alexis Santos, who has been practicing meditation for twenty years and was a student of the highly influential Burmese monk Sayadaw U Tejaniya. Alexis is also a core teacher in the Ten Percent Happier app and the lead teacher of our On the Go course. In this episode, Alexis recounts his time learning from Sayadaw and shares an approach to meditation that is more relaxed than what many of us may be used to. It just might change your practice. Watch Season 2 of Ted Lasso on Apple TV+. Subscription required. Apple TV+ and/or select content may not be available in all regions. To join the Ted Lasso Challenge by midnight tonight, download the Ten Percent Happier app here: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/alexis-santos-377

Letting Go of Perfectionism | La Sarmiento

<p>In this episode, we're talking about the difference between kindness and what our guest, La Sarmiento, calls "radical kindness," how to muster the strength to be kind to annoying people while setting appropriate boundaries, the difference between radical compassion and what the Tibetans call "idiot compassion," and their experience of learning to accept themselves in a culture that is not always so welcoming. Sarmiento, whose pronouns are they/them, has been practicing Vipassana meditation since the 1990's. They are a graduate of the Spirit Rock Community Dharma Leader Training Program and a mentor in the Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certification Program. They serve as the guiding teacher for the BIPOC and LGBTQ+ sanghas at the Insight Meditation Community of Washington, DC, where they are also board president. We are bringing you this Ten Percent Happier podcast series in collaboration with the Apple TV+ Original Series Ted Lasso because kindness is a huge theme in the show, and there are many practical lessons embedded right in the plot. CTA: Watch Season 2 of Ted Lasso on Apple TV+. Subscription required. Apple TV+ and/or select content may not be available in all regions. Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/la-sarmiento-376</p>

Reversing the Golden Rule | Jamil Zaki

In this episode we're talking about how what you believe— about yourself, or about the world — can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. So if you believe the world is a cold and unforgiving place, it can become that way. And if you believe that you have limited capacities for kindness, you can, in effect, make it so. Our guest is Jamil Zaki, who is making his second appearance here on the show. Jamil is a professor of psychology at Stanford University and the director of the Stanford Social Neuroscience Lab. He is a leading expert on empathy and the author of the book The War for Kindness. Jamil discusses three levels of kindness: kindness toward ourselves, kindness in our close relationships, and kindness in our communities. He argues that starting with the self is critical, but also that the kinder we can make our communities, the kinder we will be ourselves. And the more we reorient ourselves to focus on the positive, the more we can create a self-fulfilling prophecy of kindness. We are bringing you this Ten Percent Happier podcast series in collaboration with the Apple TV+ Original Series Ted Lasso because kindness is a huge theme in the show, and there are many practical lessons embedded right in the plot. Watch Season 2 of Ted Lasso on Apple TV+. Subscription required. Apple TV+ and/or select content may not be available in all regions. To sign up for the Ted Lasso Challenge, download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/jamil-zaki-375

The Evolutionary Case for Kindness | Dacher Keltner

Here's a question: Is there an evolutionary advantage to being kind?  Our guest today is Dacher Keltner, an eminent scientist who will make the case that, contrary to popular conceptions of evolution (dog-eat-dog, survival of the fittest), and contrary to a lot of what we see on the news, our species is actually uniquely wired for kindness and compassion. Dacher Keltner is the Director of the Social Interaction Lab at the University of California at Berkeley, the Faculty Director of the Berkeley Greater Good Science Center, and the author of the book Born to Be Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life.  In this episode, we talk about Darwin's perspective on human sympathy and selfishness, where he stands on the question of Original Sin versus Buddha Nature, the importance of touch when it comes to communicating compassion, and the relationship between teasing and kindness.  We are bringing you this Ten Percent Happier podcast series in collaboration with the Apple TV+ Original Series Ted Lasso because kindness is a huge theme in the show, and there are many practical lessons embedded right in the plot. Watch Season 2 of Ted Lasso on Apple TV+. Subscription required. Apple TV+ and/or select content may not be available in all regions. Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/dacher-keltner-374

Optimizing Your Stress | Modupe Akinola

Stress – which many of us despise and try to avoid – does not actually have to be a bad thing. Rather, it's our relationship to stress, our mindset about stress, that determines whether we are helped or harmed by it. Today's guest has the science to back this up and the practical tools to help you transfer her insights from the lab to your life. Modupe Akinola is an Associate Professor of Management at the Columbia Business School and host of the TED Business podcast. She is also one of the featured experts in our Stress Better course in the Ten Percent Happier app. In this conversation, Modupe talks about what she's learned during these extraordinarily stressful last couple of years, what she calls the "stress mindset" (and how to cultivate it), and the vast resources available to us for handling stress (and how to tap them). We also dive into another of Modupe's areas of expertise: how to have productive conversations around the often stressful–but critical–issues of diversity, equity, and inclusion. Get ready for the upcoming Ted Lasso Challenge by downloading the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/modupe-akinola-373

The Science of Making and Keeping Friends | Robin Dunbar

Friendship might not necessarily be something you've considered to be an urgent psychological and physiological issue. On this show, we spend a lot of time exploring how the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives and our health. Sadly, in many ways, it's harder than ever to make and keep friends.  With loneliness and disconnection on the rise, it's clear that our society just wasn't constructed for social connection. And recent data suggests we're in a friendship crisis, with many of us reporting that we have fewer close friendships than ever. Our guest today is Robin Dunbar, an Emeritus Professor of Evolutionary Psychology at Oxford University and the author of numerous books on the development of Homo sapiens. Dunbar is perhaps best known for formulating "Dunbar's number," which is a measurement of the number of relationships our brain is capable of maintaining at any one time. He is a world-renowned expert on human relationships, and has a ton of fascinating research findings and practical tips for upping your friendship game. In this conversation, we dive into the science behind human relationships, the upsides and downsides of maintaining friendships on social media, the viability of friendships across gender lines, and what science says you can do to compensate if you feel you are currently lacking in close friendships.  Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/robin-dunbar-372

Improving Your Relationships - Buddhist Style | Martine Batchelor

This great deep-Dharma episode is all about using an ancient, fascinating, and readily-accessible Buddhist concept as a way to improve your interactions with other human beings. The concept in question is called vedana, or "feeling tone." Our guest, Martine Batchelor, will explain. She was a Buddhist nun in Korea for ten years and is now a lecturer, spiritual counselor, and author of such books as "The Path of Compassion" and "Women in Korean Zen." Two brief notes: First, this episode is a re-run, which we're doing a few times this summer in order to give the staff a breather, and also to resurface some of our older gems for our newer listeners. Second, this conversation includes some brief references to sensitive topics, including sexual activity and substance abuse. Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/martine-batchelor-repost

Help, Work Sucks | Cal Newport

<p>A lot of us right now would probably agree that the technologies meant to make our jobs easier are actually stressing us out. (Think: the email and Slack messages that never stop and with which you can never catch up.) The worst part is the dopamine hit that you can get hooked on that comes with getting new information, causing you to check your messages way too often. And all of this has been exacerbated by working remotely. In this episode, our guest Cal Newport says that these technologies have created what he calls "the hyperactive hive mind," and he has a ton of thoughts about how to stop it. He's a computer science professor at Georgetown University and a New York Times bestselling author of seven books, including A World Without Email, Digital Minimalism, and Deep Work. He's also the host of the popular Deep Questions podcast.  In this conversation, we talk about how to minimize the impact of the hyperactive hive mind, how the way we work is fundamentally broken, how we ended up in our current work situation where we're checking email and Slack all the time, and what this does to our brain. Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/cal-newport-371</p>

How Do You Love Without Being Attached? | Kevin Griffin

In this episode we're tackling some thorny dharma questions. For example: How do you love someone without attachment? How do you love yourself when the self is allegedly an illusion?  Our guest today is a repeat customer, Kevin Griffin. He joined us a few months ago in an episode about the nature of craving and addiction. This time, Kevin's back with a semi-skeptical take on loving-kindness -- that venerable, if somewhat misunderstood, Buddhist practice. Our conversation is centered around a book he wrote, called Living Kindness: Buddhist Teachings for a Troubled World.  We talk about lovingkindness vs. "living kindness," the dangers of modern metta practice, and the idea that you don't have to feel love all the time (but can still seek to handle situations with non-ill-will). Please note: This conversation includes brief references to addiction and other forms of suffering. If you don't already have the Ten Percent Happier app, download it for free wherever you get your apps: https://10percenthappier.app.link/download-app. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/kevin-griffin-370

How To End The War With Your Body | Sonya Renee Taylor

It is incredibly common for many of us humans, whatever our gender, to be at war with our bodies -- trying to live up to the people we see in the movies, on social media, or even the versions of ourselves in old pictures. This never-enough-ness can lead to an ambient level of self-loathing that can be incredibly destructive. That's where "radical self-love" comes in. Our guest today is Sonya Renee Taylor. She is the author of three books, including The Body is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love. She is the Founder and Radical Executive Officer of The Body is Not An Apology. She has come to this work as a result of her own personal pain, as a Black woman inhabiting a body that she says does not conform to societal norms.  In this conversation, we talk about defining radical self-love (and why she believes it's our natural state), tools for cultivating radical self-love, and the connection between being OK with yourself and the larger society. (Also, just a heads up: There is one brief reference to sex.) If you don't already have the Ten Percent Happier app, you can download it for free wherever you get your apps: https://10percenthappier.app.link/download-app. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/sonya-renee-taylor-369

Escape From Zombieland | Koshin Paley Ellison

Modern life has turned many of us into zombies. We walk around with our noses in our phones, constantly on the hunt. We're not looking to eat people's brains, per se, but we are looking for mindless hits of dopamine -- from the latest headline, email, text, or "like" on our Instagram post. This has profound consequences, for us as individuals and for the society as a whole.  Our guest in this episode argues that we need to wake up to this, and learn how to create human connection. Koshin Paley Ellison is an author, Zen priest, and Jungian psychotherapist. He co-founded the New York Zen Center for Contemplative Care and is the author of Wholehearted: Slow Down, Help Out, Wake Up. Ellison dives into his attempts to rescue the cliche of intimacy, how to build meaningful relationships, and what it means to "Find Your Five." He also discusses how experimenting with what he calls "healthy embarrassment" (or allowing yourself to feel exposed) makes for better relationships. In fact, he'll model some of that for us, quite bravely.  Just a note: This is a re-run from a few years back. We're re-running a few episodes this summer to give our staff a break, and also to get some of our favorite older episodes into the ears of our many new listeners. Also: This conversation includes references to sensitive topics, including lived experiences of hatred and abuse. That said, it happens in the context of discussions about vulnerability and healing. Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/koshin-paley-ellison-repost

A Rarely Accessed Source of Joy | Roman Mars

Today's episode is about finding joy, pleasure, interest, and even gratitude in a surprising source: everyday objects and infrastructure.  Our guest Roman Mars is the host and creator of 99% Invisible, a radio show and podcast about design and architecture. It is one of the most popular podcasts in the world. Roman is also a bestselling author; he recently co-authored The 99% Invisible City: A Field Guide to the Hidden World of Everyday Design. Roman talks to us about how he got interested in design, how the name "99% Invisible" came to be, his new book about the under-observed aspects of the built world, the importance of reading plaques and utility markers, design as coercion, and a shared love of 90s punk rock. Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Show notes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/roman-mars-368

The Price of Secrecy | Michael Slepian

This episode is all about secrets.  Did you know that there are 38 categories of secrets—and statistically, according to Michael Slepian, you probably have about 13 of them right now? Slepian is the Sanford C. Bernstein & Co. Associate Professor of Leadership and Ethics at Columbia Business School. He studies the psychology of secrets — and how keeping secrets affects our social life and work life, particularly as it pertains to trust and motivation. In this conversation we dive into common misunderstandings about secrets, the hardest part about having secrets, the toll secrets take (both physically and psychologically), how other people can help us handle our secrets in a healthier way, and the impact of societal systems and structures on our secret keeping. (One thing to note: There are brief references to abuse and other traumatic events that some people keep secret.) If you don't already have the Ten Percent Happier app, download it for free wherever you get your apps: https://10percenthappier.app.link/download-app. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/michael-slepian-367

How to Outsmart Your Pain | Christiane Wolf

Sit in meditation for a few minutes and you're likely to experience pain, either physical or psychological. Hang around the meditation scene for very long, and you are likely to hear the expression, "Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional."  And that's what this episode is all about -- boosting your pain tolerance through meditation. Because pain really is inevitable, but can you reduce your suffering through mindfulness and compassion?  Christiane Wolf argues 'yes'. She is a physician turned mindfulness and compassion teacher and teacher trainer. She is an authorized Buddhist teacher in the Insight (Vipassana) meditation tradition, teaching classes and retreats worldwide, and she's also the author of the new book "Outsmart Your Pain". In this conversation, we talk about meditation techniques that offer us a better relationship to pain, how to work with the physicality of pain, the stories we tell ourselves about our pain, and seeing pain as an opportunity. Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/christiane-wolf-366

The Art and Science of Compassion | Thupten Jinpa

It can be incredibly frustrating when life-changing, world-changing concepts such as compassion and kindness are often presented as cliches, because scientific research strongly suggests that learning how to practice compassion -- through meditation and other modalities -- can genuinely change your life. And enough of us did it, it could maybe change the world.  One of the people who is the best at getting this message out, in new and creative ways, is Thupten Jinpa. He is a former Tibetan monk who went on to go to Cambridge University, where he got a B.A. in philosophy and a Ph.D. in religious studies. Since 1985, he has been the principal English translator for His Holiness the Dalai Lama.  In this conversation, we talk about developing a compassionate meditation practice, building kindness and empathy, the connection between intention setting and compassion, and identifying and regulating negative emotional reactions.  A few technical notes: This episode is a rerun. We do reruns when we have episodes that are amazing that we think our newer listeners might enjoy. We also do them to give our staff a break once in a while. We actually recorded this conversation live in front of an audience at the Asia Society in New York City a few years ago. It was the day after the school shooting in Parkland, so you will hear a few references to that.  Check out Joseph Goldstein's course on compassion in the Ten Percent Happier app: https://10percenthappier.app.link/CompassionWithJoseph Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/thupten-jinpa-repost

The Voice in Your Head | Ethan Kross

The craving, complaining, and comparing voice in our heads can be the source of incalculable suffering, but is it all bad? And are there ways to talk to yourself that can turn your inner voice into a powerful ally?  Ethan Kross is a Professor in the University of Michigan's top ranked Psychology Department and its Ross School of Business and the author of the new book, Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why it Matters, and How to Harness It.  In this conversation, we talk about why we have voices inside our head, how they can be either a blessing or a curse, how to access your inner coach rather than your inner critic, how changing our outer environment can impact your inner environment, and how you can use the much-maligned social media for support. Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/ethan-kross-365

Getting Over Yourself | Joseph Goldstein

For the uninitiated, Joseph Goldstein is one of the cofounders of the Insight Meditation Society (IMS) alongside Sharon Salzberg and Jack Kornfield. Since its founding, thousands of people from around the world have come to IMS to learn mindfulness from leaders in the field.  In this episode Joseph covers strategies for getting over yourself. Every year, Joseph does a three-month retreat by himself at his home in Massachusetts. This year, he emerged with a bunch of thoughts on what's called "the three proliferating tendencies," or three "prapancas," to use the ancient Pali term.  These are three ways in which we perpetuate a sense of self -- not a healthy sense of self, but an unhealthy sense of self. You can think about the process of going deeper in meditation as a process of lightening up or getting less self-centered. Now, you're about to get a master class in doing just that.  Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/joseph-goldstein-364

How to Keep Your Relationships On the Rails | Kaira Jewel Lingo

Today's episode is about a Buddhist tool for resolving conflict and keeping your relationships healthy. Today's guest, Kaira Jewel Lingo, was an ordained nun of 15 years in Thich Nhat Hanh's Order of Interbeing, and is now a lay Dharma teacher based on Long Island. She graduated from Stanford University with a B.A. and M.A. in Anthropology and Social Sciences. She's edited a few books by Thich Nhat Hanh, including Planting Seeds: Practicing Mindfulness with Children. In this interview, Kaira Jewel talks about: the Beginning Anew practice (and how even skeptics can see the value in it); how Beginning Anew can strengthen relationships and resolve conflicts; the four steps of the practice; and her own experience with the practice, as both a teacher of it and a practitioner of it. If Kaira Jewel's insights on gratitude within the practice intrigue or inspire you, you might like a fantastic meditation we released recently on the Ten Percent Happier app called "Daily Gratitude Booster" by Matthew Hepburn. It's the perfect way to cultivate a regular practice of gratitude, which, like meditation itself, is a skill that you can improve. Check it out by downloading the Ten Percent Happier app wherever you get your apps (https://10percenthappier.app.link/install) or click the link in our show notes to be taken directly to Matthew's meditation: https://10percenthappier.app.link/DailyGratitudeBooster. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/kaira-jewel-lingo-363

The Science of Happiness | Emiliana Simon-Thomas (2020)

In a previous interview with Dan, the Dalai Lama said something along the lines of, "everyone's selfish; that's the way we're wired. But if you're going to be selfish, you should be wisely selfish." Wise selfishness takes into account the fact that what really makes humans happy is to care for other people. This notion has been a central part of the Buddhist platform for millennia, but is now being borne out in scientific research.  Today's guest is Emiliana Simon-Thomas. She is the science director of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, where she is a co-instructor of its Science of Happiness online course. In this conversation, Emiliana talks to us about the difference between empathy and compassion, how we can be happier by being more compassionate and connected, what we misunderstand about love, and a more scientific definition for that culturally loaded term. Just to note -- this is a re-run of an older episode we pulled out of our vault for a few reasons:  1) It's summer and we want to give our tireless staff a break; and 2) This is one of our all-time favorite episodes and one that many of our newer listeners may not have heard.  For more science-based happiness practices, you can download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/emiliana-simon-thomas-repost

Rethinking Your Relationship to 'Stuff' | The Minimalists + Oren Jay Sofer

We've been meaning to tackle our relationship to 'stuff' for a while now. This subject can go deep. It's not just about decluttering (although that can actually be pretty substantial work); it's about rethinking your whole life.  Recently we spoke to a pair of gentlemen known as The Minimalists -- whose names are Joshua Fields Milburn and Ryan Nicodemus. They're perhaps best known for their documentaries on Netflix: "Minimalism" and "Less is Now". They also have a very popular podcast and have written a series of books. Their latest book, "Love People, Use Things", comes out this month. In this episode, we talk about their powerful and painful personal path to Minimalism; the freedom that they say comes from living with less; how to actually do Minimalism; and the pitfalls of the path.  And as a bonus pairing, we've brought back a Ten Percent Happier favorite, Oren Jay Sofer. Oren is a renowned Buddhist teacher who has been meditating for nearly a quarter of a century. As part of his training he spent over two years living with less as a Buddhist renunciate, and he makes a compelling case for bringing minimalism into the mindfulness practice, and for letting go. For more from Oren and other great meditation teachers, download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/the-minimalists-oren-sofer-362

Why Men Armor Up | Daniel Ellenberg

Today's episode is a deep dive into the male operating system and how it can be upgraded. Today's guest, Daniel Ellenberg, is a psychotherapist, marriage and relationship therapist, author, and facilitator. He has been leading men's groups for over 30 years and is the new sitting president of the American Psychological Association's "Division 51: Society for the Psychological Study of Men & Masculinities." In this conversation, Dr. Ellenberg explains: what masculinity actually means; what prevents men from forming bonds with other men; "traditional masculinity ideology"; why men die earlier than women; the importance of self-compassion for men; and how to be a good role model as a dad, friend, and fellow man.    Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/daniel-ellenberg-361

Self-Compassion Ain't Always Soft | Kristin Neff

There's a widely held assumption that if you have a warmer, friendlier relationship with yourself, you will not only slack off and be ineffective, but also that you will be a doormat. My guest today says: not true. She's making the case that self-compassion, when properly understood, can lead to a kind of ferocity. It can help you stand up for yourself and others.  Kristin Neff is the central pioneer in the field of self-compassion research and her work has had a massive impact on me and my own work. She is an Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. She's the author of the book Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, and now she has a new book, called Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power and Thrive.  This conversation is for everyone, whether you identify as a woman or not. These concepts are universal, although, as you will hear Kristen argue, there is special importance for women. And speaking of gender, we are dedicating this week to that subject. Coming up on Wednesday, we're going to talk about masculinity with a guest named Daniel Ellenberg. In this episode with Kristin Neff, we talk about: tender self-compassion vs. fierce self-compassion; the three main forms of fierce self-compassion; how to take a fierce self-compassion break; destructive vs. constructive anger; why she wrote the book specifically for women, and why you should read it, regardless of your gender socialization; how men can help the women in their lives develop this kind of ferocity; and how self-compassion can help us face our biases. For more resources on self-compassion, you can download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/kristin-neff-360

The Hard Questions That Might Save Your Relationship | Susan Piver

Today we have some counterintuitive relationship advice. If you're in a tough spot with your loved one, why would you want to have a deep chat about religion, politics, work, or your eating habits? Wouldn't that just make everything worse? My guest today says asking these hard questions is exactly what you should do.  Susan Piver is a fan favorite in TPH-world. She has been a practicing Buddhist for more than a quarter-century. She's a graduate of a Buddhist seminary, founder of The Open Heart Project, and a New York Times bestselling author of many books, including How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life. This month, she's releasing a revised and expanded edition of her blockbuster book, The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say "I Do." This book started out as a relationship tool for recently engaged couples, but it's taken on a much broader life. You can use it if your long-term relationship has hit a snag, if you've recently broken up with someone and want to understand why, or if you're single and just want to know yourself better. The book originally came out 20 years ago, but a lot has changed since then, so Susan has gone through and done a big rewrite.  In this conversation, we talk about: why hard questions are so key to building or rebuilding the foundation for a healthy relationship; the difference between love affairs and long-term relationships (and how failing to see the difference can tank your relationship); why breakups are rarely caused by lack of love, but instead by something else; and Susan will explore, from a Buddhist perspective, what happens when the boundaries between you and another person begin to dissolve – and what to watch out for when this happens. Also, there's (just barely!) still time to join us in our free Taming Anxiety Challenge. This ten-day meditation challenge will teach you how to understand your anxiety and give you practical tools for coping with the difficult thoughts and emotions that arise when you are anxious. And it's also a great way to kickstart your meditation practice.  You can join the Taming Anxiety Challenge by downloading the Ten Percent Happier app: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install. You should be prompted to join the Challenge after registering your account. If you've already downloaded the app, just open it up or visit this link to join: https://10percenthappier.app.link/TamingAnxietyChallenge. Be sure to sign up by June 24! Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/susan-piver-359

Buddhist Lessons on Anxiety | Leslie Booker

Taming Anxiety Series - Episode 4: Welcome to the final episode in our Taming Anxiety Series! Today's guest, Leslie Booker – who goes by "Booker" – is one of America's leading dharma teachers. She began sharing the practice with vulnerable populations back in 2005 and is a graduate of three different training programs at Spirit Rock, including their four-year Retreat Teacher Training Program. In this conversation, Booker will make the case that one of the most important, even life-saving, tools when it comes to dealing with anxiety is our ability to connect with our communities. She also brings our attention to yet another Buddhist list – the "three characteristics." And she explains how bringing awareness to our bodies can help settle us in our most anxious moments. This, I should say, is something she's worked on with me personally. If you'd like to see that, you can actually do so, because we filmed it as part of our new Taming Anxiety Challenge, a ten-day meditation challenge which begins today over in the Ten Percent Happier app.  Booker is one of the core teachers in the Taming Anxiety Challenge, which features short videos and guided meditations about how to live with anxiety more intentionally. In the app, you'll see her share strategies with me – and you – for putting into practice everything we talk about on the podcast today — including ways to normalize the experience of anxiety in your community. In fact, by joining the Taming Anxiety Challenge, you'll be part of a community of thousands of meditators learning to cope with anxiety. You can even invite your friends or family to join you in the Challenge – for free! You'll get a notification each time they meditate, so you can be accountable to and supportive of each other.  You can join the Taming Anxiety Challenge by downloading the Ten Percent Happier app: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install. You should be prompted to join the Challenge after registering your account. If you've already downloaded the app, just open it up or visit this link to join: https://10percenthappier.app.link/TamingAnxietyChallenge. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/leslie-booker-358

Strategies for Social Anxiety | Ellen Hendriksen

Taming Anxiety Series - Episode 3: As we move into summer and more and more vaccines go into arms, your town or city (or state or country) may soon be opening back up, if it hasn't already. Some of us are ecstatic. A lot of us are anxious. (And by the way, those are not mutually exclusive. It's totally possible to be both.) If the thought of large crowds or even small dinner parties makes your palms sweat, don't worry. You're not alone. (And if this was true for you even before the pandemic, you're not alone there, either.) Our guest today is here to help.  Ellen Hendriksen is a clinical psychologist who specializes in anxiety and social anxiety and serves on the faculty at Boston University's Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders. She is the author of How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety. In today's episode she explains how to increase your tolerance for uncertainty; how and why social anxiety has gotten worse since the start of the pandemic; and, what you can do to face your own anxiety around social interactions, especially if you're in a place that is reopening. She'll also answer some questions from you, our listeners. In addition to this series on the podcast, we are launching a free Taming Anxiety Meditation Challenge in the Ten Percent Happier app, to help you practice what you're learning. In this brand-new ten-day meditation challenge, we'll be pairing a leading anxiety expert and a top-notch meditation teacher together to help you practice what we're talking about on the show.  The free Taming Anxiety Challenge begins on Monday, June 21, and will run for ten days. Each day, you'll receive a video and you'll complete a short meditation. You'll also receive daily reminders to help keep you on track, and you can even invite your friends to join you. Join the Taming Anxiety Challenge by downloading the Ten Percent Happier app: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install. You should be prompted to join the Challenge after registering your account. If you've already downloaded the app, just open it up or visit this link to join: https://10percenthappier.app.link/TamingAnxietyChallenge. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/ellen-hendriksen-357

Anxiety, Explained | Luana Marques

Taming Anxiety Series - Episode 2: Anxiety is very common -- but also commonly misunderstood. So today we're doing a show that you might think of as: Everything You Wanted to Know About Anxiety (But Were Afraid to Ask). This is the second episode in a four-part series we're calling "Taming Anxiety." (By the way, if you missed the first episode, with pop-star/Broadway star/sitcom-star Sara Bareilles, I strongly recommend checking that out.)  Today, though, we are diving into the science of anxiety with Dr. Luana Marques. Luana is an Associate Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, President of the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, and the author of Almost Anxious: Is My (or My Loved One's) Worry or Distress a Problem? You might also recognize her from this show, because she was also our very first guest on the topic of Covid, way back in March of 2020, in an episode titled "How to Handle Coronavirus Anxiety." In this episode, Luana will explain, from a scientific perspective, what anxiety actually is; why it isn't actually a problem in and of itself – instead, it's our relationship to it that's (often) a problem; what the "TEB Cycle" is, and how to work with it; the short-term benefits of avoiding things that cause us anxiety – and the long-term consequences of that avoidance; and how to handle anxiety-induced phobias, including, in my case, a pronounced fear of elevators. Plus, we'll take some voicemails that you, our listeners, have submitted. You can also learn how to actually practice everything we'll talk about in today's episode by participating in our free Taming Anxiety Challenge over in the Ten Percent Happier app, which kicks off next Monday, June 21. Join the Taming Anxiety Challenge by downloading the Ten Percent Happier app: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install. You will be prompted to join the Challenge after registering your account. If you've already downloaded the app, just open it up or visit this link to join: https://10percenthappier.app.link/TamingAnxietyChallenge. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/luana-marques-356