Sabrina Zohar: How to Stop Chasing People Who Don’t Want You

About this episode

Jay sits down with dating and relationship coach Sabrina Zohar to unpack why we chase the familiar over the safe, how childhood attachment shapes adult dating patterns, and the real difference between boundaries and walls. Together they dig into anxious-avoidant dynamics, chemistry versus compatibility, why we fall for people's potential instead of their reality, and practical tools for healing and showing up differently in love. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty Instagram Teen Accounts: Built-in protections for teens. JAY'S DAILY WISDOM DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX Join 900,000+ readers discovering how small daily shifts create big life change with my free newsletter. Subscribe here: https://news.jayshetty.me/subscribe Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast What We Discuss: 00:00 Introduction 00:45 Sabrina's Turning Point: "Why Am I Like This?" 03:13 Familiarity Vs. Safety 05:19 How Childhood Attachment Shapes Us 08:45 Nervous System Triggers & Protest Behavior 11:01 Building Confidence & Setting Incremental Boundaries 13:47 Boundaries Vs. Walls 15:42 Guilt, Control, And People-Pleasing 19:14 Is There Such A Thing As "The One?" 21:14 Unhealthy Relationship Dynamics 25:50 Short-Term Discomfort Vs. Long-Term Unhappiness 29:47 The Fallacy of "Right Person, Wrong Time" 34:16 The Anxious-Avoidant Dynamic 39:02 Attachment Style Myths 41:56 Seeking Connection Vs. Testing For Validation 45:53 Peaceful Love Vs. "Trauma Tingles" 48:36 Green Flags & Early Dating Distractions 52:49 Stop Taking Things Personally 57:14 Pacing Emotional Intimacy 58:58 Why We Pursue Unavailable People 01:01:44 Overcoming Situationships 01:05:00 The Lonely Side of Healing 01:08:01 Finding Closure Within Yourself 01:10:45 Weaponizing "Therapy Speak" To Avoid Accountability 01:12:47 Overcoming Singlehood Scarcity 01:16:51 Falling For Potential Vs. Accepting Reality 01:18:41 Sabrina On Final Five Episode Resources: Read Sabrina’s book | https://sabrinazohar.com/book Website | https://sabrinazohar.com YouTube | https://youtube.com/@sabrina_zohar?si=92IqIf9b6jaIAoj5 Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/sabrina.zohar?stkn=MXRwNmN4Z3djMWh5Yg== TikTok | https://www.tiktok.com/@sabrina.zohar?_r=1&_t=ZP-9AJwxjLdOV4 Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063642420347&mibextid=wwXIfr Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices