#45 | "He Doesn't Look Autistic" | 685 Parents On The Words That Stuck

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<p>Andy put a video up asking one question: which phrase from a professional never left you? His own was a paediatrician who would not answer whether Lydia was autistic, and instead said &quot;we just need to ensure she reaches her potential, whatever that looks like.&quot; </p><p><br></p><p>Around 685 parents answered. It is the only post we have ever done that got more comments than likes.<br>So we sorted the lot and read them back. The denial, the low expectations, the gatekeeping, the ones that were meant kindly and landed like a brick, and the small number that got it exactly right. Over half of the worst of it came from a professional or a school. This one is heavy in places and very funny in others, and if you have ever been told your child does not look autistic, you are going to recognise most of it.<br>Timestamps<br>00:00 Thomas spells Playbarn on his iPad and reroutes the whole day<br>02:49 The video Andy posted, and the phrase that never left him<br>06:26 685 replies, and more comments than likes<br>07:30 The split: denial, low expectations, cruelty, blame<br>09:18 Over half of it came from a professional or a school<br>10:34 &quot;He doesn&#39;t look autistic&quot; and what spazzy is actually short for<br>15:10 The comebacks parents keep ready<br>15:48 The grandad in the supermarket<br>18:15 &quot;Your autistic children may never thrive in school&quot;<br>19:02 Why families actually want a diagnosis<br>22:35 &quot;She isn&#39;t worth the funding&quot; and the iceberg<br>23:24 &quot;Masking is a skill you should be proud of&quot;<br>24:38 The tongue tie nobody would treat<br>25:51 Written off, and proven wrong<br>32:05 The ones that were meant kindly<br>34:53 The worst thing anyone said<br>35:50 The comments about the comments<br>36:01 What autistic adults asked us to hear<br>37:38 The professionals who got it right<br>40:36 A diagnosis doesn&#39;t change who your child is<br>41:10 Hope without a promise<br>41:25 Eye contact, and who it is really for<br>45:04 Takiwatanga: in his or her own time<br>46:01 &quot;So am I. Don&#39;t worry. We see each other.&quot;<br>47:20 Lydia&#39;s sleep, transitions and the summer holidays<br>Timecodes are taken from the raw recording and need tightening once the cold open is on the front of the final cut.<br>Latest episode in the link tree in bio.</p>