Fight Right: The Science of Healthy Conflict | Drs. John and Julie Gottman

About this episode

<p>Conflict doesn't have to suck. These iconic relationship researchers tell us how. </p> <p><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/96317/9780593579657" rel= "noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection</em></a> is the name of a new book by esteemed guests Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Gottman.</p> <p>They are the co-Founders of <a href="https://www.gottman.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">The Gottman Institute</a> and have completed over 40 years of research with more than 3,000 couples. John is the researcher; Julie the clinician. They have written several books together, including <em>Eight Dates</em> and <em>The Love Prescription</em>.</p> <p>Even though the majority of the Gottmans' research is on couples, the advice is applicable to all types of relationships.  </p> <p><strong>In this episode we talk about:</strong></p> <ul> <li>The three principle conflict styles</li> <li>Why we often don't understand what it is we're fighting about</li> <li>Perpetual problems vs. Solvable problems</li> <li>Why the first three minutes of an argument are key </li> <li>The simple sentence to use at the beginning of an argument</li> <li>How to downregulate defensiveness in an argument</li> <li>Why the Gottmans' believe there is no such thing as constructive criticism</li> <li>Why apologizing quickly isn't always the right move</li> <li>When a fight might spell the end </li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Related Episodes:</strong></p> <ul> <li><a href= "https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/dan-savage-723" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Dan Savage on how to handle disappointment in your relationships, how to get better at sex, and why "a couple" is an Illusion</a></li> <li><a href= "https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/lori-brotto-435" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Lori Brotto on mindful sex</a></li> <li><a href= "https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/devon-craig-hase-269" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Devon and Craig Hase on how not to be a hot mess</a></li> <li><a href= "https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/myisha-battle-558" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Myisha Battle on love, sex, dating, and relationship myths</a></li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Sign up for Dan's weekly newsletter</strong> <a href= "https://bit.ly/3QtGRqJ" rel="noopener noreferrer" target= "_blank"><strong>here</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Follow Dan on social:</strong> <a href= "https://bit.ly/3tGigG5" rel="noopener noreferrer" target= "_blank"><strong>Instagram</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href= "https://bit.ly/3FOA84J" rel="noopener noreferrer" target= "_blank"><strong>TikTok</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Ten Percent Happier online</strong> <a href= "https://bit.ly/46TZglY" rel="noopener noreferrer" target= "_blank"><strong>bookstore</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Subscribe to our</strong> <a href= "https://bit.ly/3FybRzD" rel="noopener noreferrer" target= "_blank"><strong>YouTube Channel</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Our favorite playlists on:</strong> <a href= "https://spoti.fi/3Qa8kMT" rel="noopener noreferrer" target= "_blank"><strong>Anxiety</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href= "https://spoti.fi/3MjtMxF" rel="noopener noreferrer" target= "_blank"><strong>Sleep</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href= "https://spoti.fi/3QvyA5J" rel="noopener noreferrer" target= "_blank"><strong>Relationships</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3QxZASc" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Most Popular Episodes</strong></a></p> <p><strong>For tickets to Dan Harris: Celebrating 10 Years of 10% Happier at Symphony Space: </strong><a href= "https://www.symphonyspace.org/events/vp-dan-harris-10-happier-10-year-anniversary" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>click here</strong></a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Full Shownotes:</strong> <a href= "http://tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/gottmans-726" rel= "noopener noreferrer" target= "_blank">http://tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/gottmans-726</a></p> <p><br /></p>