Self-Help Without Other People Is Just Selfish — and Here's the Science to Prove It | Dan Harris

About this episode

<p dir="ltr">Dan doesn't usually sit in the interviewee's chair — but when journalist and author Allison Gilbert invited him to speak at the 92nd Street Y as part of their Connected Lives series, he said yes. What followed was one of the more wide-ranging conversations Dan has had about his own practice, his own anxieties, and why he's become convinced that inner work divorced from relationships is just selfishness dressed up as self-care. The evening also included a guided loving-kindness meditation — metta practice — that Dan led live with the audience.</p> <p dir="ltr">They talked about:</p> <ul> <li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Why Dan thinks the meditation world's PR problem has shifted — it's no longer "this is weird hippie stuff," it's "I get it, but I personally can't do it"</li> <li dir="ltr" role="presentation">The upward spiral: how taking care of your mind improves your relationships, which improves your inner weather, which improves your relationships further — and the "toilet vortex" that runs in the opposite direction</li> <li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Free-range mindfulness: why brushing your teeth or standing in a grocery line can rewire your brain just like formal seated practice</li> <li dir="ltr" role="presentation">The self-compassion toolkit — Kristin Neff's three-step practice, distanced self-talk, and why putting your hand on your heart is "cheesy as f*ck" but actually works</li> <li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Joseph Goldstein's single best question for breaking an anxiety loop: "Is this useful?"</li> <li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Why micro-interactions — with your doorman, your barista, a stranger on the elevator — are one of the most underrated sources of happiness</li> </ul> <p dir="ltr">Allison Gilbert is a journalist, author, and the creator of The Joy of Connections, a book and companion app designed to help people build more meaningful relationships. She writes and speaks about human connection, grief, and resilience. Learn more at <a href= "https://allisongilbert.com/">allisongilbert.com</a>.</p> <p dir="ltr">Get the 10% with Dan Harris app <a href= "https://app.danharris.com/membership">here</a></p> <p dir="ltr">Sign up for Dan's free newsletter <a href= "http://www.danharris.com/">here</a></p> <p dir="ltr">Follow Dan on social: <a href= "https://bit.ly/3tGigG5">Instagram</a>, <a href= "https://bit.ly/3FOA84J">TikTok</a></p> <p dir="ltr">Subscribe to our <a href= "https://bit.ly/3FybRzD">YouTube Channel</a><strong><br /></strong></p> <p dir="ltr">Additional Resources: </p> <ul> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation">Check out Allison's new app at <a href= "http://beingmoreconnected.com/">beingmoreconnected.com</a></p> </li> </ul> <p dir="ltr">This episode is sponsored by:<br /> Notion: Learn more about how Notion can support your business, at <a href="http://notion.com/happier">notion.com/happier</a>.</p> <p dir="ltr">To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit <a href= "https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris">https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris</a></p>