Sex for Normal People with Ita O'Brien

Jul 26, 2026 1h 2m

About this episode

Sex is sometimes a taboo topic. Not today! Intimacy expert Ita O’Brien tells us all about the new normal in the bedroom, and how she’s introduced it to Hollywood. 💌Join 9,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - <a href="http://bit.ly/45NyQDy">http://bit.ly/45NyQDy</a> In 2017, Ita O’Brien changed how Hollywood approached sex scenes when she pioneered intimacy co-ordination on the hit Netflix show, Sex Education, by introducing the framework, “Intimacy On Set Guidelines”. She went on to on productions for Netflix, BBC, HBO, Hulu, Amazon, including Sex Education and Normal People, founding her own company Intimacy on Set. And now she’s here. Ita chats with the guys about what sex scenes were like before Intimacy Co-ordination, and all the lies movies taught us about sex. She explains the mysterious orgasm gap, why consent is the foundation of all intimacy, and maybe most importantly of all… the male and female anatomy of arousal! That bit’s at the 16min mark if you’re really in a hurry. 😉 00:00 – Meet Ita O'Brien, the World's First Intimacy Coordinator 01:32 – Inside Her Work on Normal People, I May Destroy You & Sex Education 04:17 – What Intimacy Actually Means (It's Not Just Sex) 07:34 – The Untold Story of the First-Ever Intimacy Coordinator Job 09:35 – What Sex Scenes Were Like Before Consent Guidelines Existed 12:27 – Why On-Screen Intimacy Shapes How We See Ourselves 14:33 – The Hidden Lie Movies Taught Us About Sex 16:00 – The Male Anatomy of Arousal, Explained 18:33 – The Female Anatomy of Arousal, Explained 23:17 – Why Desire Fades in Long-Term Relationships 25:59 – The Power of Touch (and Why We're Losing It) 30:39 – How Screens Are Rewiring Kids' Ability to Connect 34:08 – The Truth About the Orgasm Gap 40:30 – Why Consent Is the Foundation of All Intimacy 43:10 – Filming the Iconic Birth Scene in We Live in Time 49:52 – How to Talk to Kids About Consent and Bodies 52:24 – "Consent Is Sexy": A Call to Writers and Filmmakers 54:33 – Sex, Menopause and Intimacy at Every Life Stage 📖Things to read Intimacy: A Field Guide to Finding Connection and Feeling Your Deep Desires by Ita O’Brien - https://www.penguin.com.au/books/intimacy-9781529954043 📺 Things to watch Sex Education (Netflix) - <a href="https://www.netflix.com/title/80197526">https://www.netflix.com/title/80197526</a> Normal People (BBC/Hulu) - <a href="https://www.hulu.com/series/normal-people">https://www.hulu.com/series/normal-people</a> I May Destroy You (BBC/HBO) - <a href="https://www.hbo.com/i-may-destroy-you">https://www.hbo.com/i-may-destroy-you</a> Catastrophe - <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Catastrophe-Season-1/dp/B00YGB8UYK">https://www.amazon.com/Catastrophe-Season-1/dp/B00YGB8UYK</a> We Live in Time (Film4/A24) - <a href="https://www.a24films.com/films/we-live-in-time">https://www.a24films.com/films/we-live-in-time</a> 🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode Esther Perel — Let's Be Better Lovers - <a href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/1BantQso5Ef3xPn4PWNG2I">https://open.spotify.com/episode/1BantQso5Ef3xPn4PWNG2I</a> 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - <a href="http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz">http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz</a> 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - <a href="http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz"></a><a href="http://bit.ly/4lyuuW">http://bit.ly/4lyuuW</a> 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - <a href="http://bit.ly/4mqunxu">http://bit.ly/4mqunxu</a> 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcast <a href="http://apple.co/theimperfects">http://apple.co/theimperfects</a> The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.  See <a href="https://omnystudio.com/listener">omnystudio.com/listener</a> for privacy information.

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