New Research: The Surprising Psychology Behind the Secrets Everyone Keeps & What Your Secrets Say About You

About this episode

<p>In today’s episode, you and I are discussing the fascinating science of secrets: why you keep them and how keeping secrets directly impacts your relationships, your self-esteem, your health, and holds you back from living the life you deserve.</p><p> </p><p>Dr. Michael Slepian is a bestselling author, psychologist, associate professor of leadership and ethics at Columbia Business School, and former scholar at Stanford. He has been researching secrets for over a decade and will help you understand what secrets are, why we keep them, and the harm of holding them inside.</p><p> </p><p>Dr. Slepian's research is shocking: studies prove you are keeping 13 secrets right now. 5 of which you’ve never told a single person. Not your mom. Not your best friend. No one. Even more shocking is the impact they have on your life.</p><p> </p><p>My mission today is to help you free yourself of the burden of secrets.</p><p> </p><p>Listen and you’ll understand how the secrets we have shape our physical and psychological well-being, who we are, how we connect with others, and how we cope with our challenges.</p><p> </p><p>You will also learn:</p><p> </p><ul><li>The most common secret that 61% of you are keeping right now.</li><li>Why you always feel shame, isolation, and uncertainty when you keep a secret.</li><li>The fundamental difference between secrecy and privacy, and why privacy is better for your health and relationships.</li><li>Why the shame of secrecy kills your self-esteem.</li><li>How to use guilt to get rid of shame (yup).</li><li>How babies learn to keep secrets from their parents and caregivers.</li><li>The one person you should REALLY tell your secret to.</li></ul><p> </p><p>Keeping a secret is the easy part; the hard part is having to live with it.</p><p> </p><p>Let’s change that today.</p><p> </p><p>Xo, Mel</p><p>In this episode:</p><ul><li>2:00: The jaw-dropping secret that inspired this conversation today.</li><li>9:45: Curious about the kinds of secrets people keep? Here are the top 10.</li><li>11:50: How exactly do we define a secret?</li><li>14:45: Are there any good secrets?</li><li>15:45: Don’t feel too bad; we’re not the only animals that keep secrets.</li><li>18:00: Keeping the secret isn’t the hard part; the hardest part is this.</li><li>21:00: Listen to the secrets my listeners revealed. Recognize yourself?</li><li>24:45: Some secrets are no big deal but we make them big in our heads.</li><li>28:00: So what’s the difference between privacy and a secret?</li><li>31:00: Here’s how to frame a mistake, instead of feeling shame.</li><li>33:30: Research finds keeping serious secrets as kids can impact us as adults.</li><li>35:30: Here’s what parents should say when their kids admit a secret to them.</li><li>38:00: What do you say when friends keep you out of the group?</li><li>39:40: How do you tell your partner that you’re having an emotional affair?</li><li>42:30: The family secrets parents should never reveal to their children.</li><li>47:15: What about traumatic family secrets?</li><li>50:00: Choose the person who is your “coping compass” wisely.</li><li>54:30: Questions you can ask anyone to develop a closer relationship.</li><li>59:50: Here’s my hardest memory and what I realize about it now.</li></ul><p>Want more resources? Go to my podcast page at <a href="https://melrobbins.com" target="_blank">melrobbins.com</a>.</p><p><a href="https://www.melrobbins.com/disclaimer" target="_blank">Disclaimer</a></p><br/> <p>Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See <a href="https://pcm.adswizz.com">pcm.adswizz.com</a> for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.</p>