Start Putting Yourself First: Tools to Say No Without Guilt or Drama

About this episode

<p>In this episode, you are going to learn how to put yourself first.</p><p> </p><p>Which means you and I are having a conversation about people-pleasing.</p><p> </p><p>You know you do it. I do it, too. </p><p> </p><p>In fact, unless you're a narcissistic jerk (and you’re not if you’re listening to these podcast episodes), we are all people-pleasers to some extent.</p><p> </p><p>Being a people-pleaser is a coping mechanism and it is destroying your energy, your time, your dreams, and your sanity.</p><p> </p><p>Every time you say yes to something you don’t really want to do, you’re saying no to yourself.</p><p> </p><p>Today, we’re changing that in a surprising way.</p><p> </p><p>First, you’ll become aware of when and why you do it.</p><p> </p><p>Second, you’ll learn the science-backed tools you need to break the habit of always putting other people’s needs before your own.</p><p> </p><p>Third, you and I are going to have a talk about guilt, because when you start saying no, one thing I can guarantee is that you’ll feel guilty about it.</p><p> </p><p>I used to, too. I don’t anymore. And I’ll explain how you can handle the guilt and still put yourself first. One of the critical steps to creating a life you love is learning how to say yes to what matters to you and no to what doesn’t.</p><p> </p><p>This is a big topic; there are a lot of surprising layers.</p><p> </p><p>So I can’t wait for you to apply these relatable and easy strategies to your life and to hear about your breakthroughs. </p><p> </p><p>Xo Mel </p><p> </p><p><strong>In this episode, you’ll learn:</strong><br /><br /> </p><ul><li>1:50: What the heck IS people-pleasing anyway? (4 takeaways you may have not heard)</li><li>5:12: I bet you can relate to Janet who learned this message as a kid.</li><li>6:00: Let’s just get the bad news about guilt out of the way.</li><li>7:15: Because here is some good news about guilt!</li><li>9:00: What does a pool table have to do with people-pleasing?</li><li>14:50: I still cringe when I think of this phone call with my father.</li><li>18:45: Here’s how a pool table can double as a desk 😂</li><li>22:10: What happens when your friends don’t like the “new you”?</li><li>24:45: At the heart of people-pleasing is this.</li><li>26:00: This research explains why we avoid discomfort. </li><li>27:16: Think people-pleasing is about others? Think again.</li><li>28:00: The surprising advice for how to handle disappointment from others.</li><li>31:50: What if your lifestyle is now different from your friends?</li><li>34:30: Here’s where to find friends who get you.</li><li>35:10: Please stop looking here for validation as you change your life.</li><li>37:50: Are you sure you know when you’re being authentic?</li><li>40:00: Do this to start figuring out who you really are.</li><li>42:00: Do this next time you’re asked to do something you don’t want to do.</li><li>47:00: Here’s how my friend Amy reacted when I had to bail on her at dinner in Vegas.</li><li>48:50: This is what happens every time you start to say no.</li></ul><p> </p><p>Want me to answer your question on the podcast? Submit it <a href="https://www.melrobbins.com/ask-a-question" target="_blank">here</a>.</p><p> </p><p>Visit <a href="http://www.melrobbins.com/podcasts/episode-44" target="_blank">www.melrobbins.com/podcast</a> for additional resources.</p><p> </p><p>Sign up for my free 5-day <a href="https://www.melrobbins.com/wakeup" target="_blank">Wake Up Challenge</a>.</p><p> </p><p><a href="https://www.melrobbins.com/disclaimer" target="_blank">Disclaimer</a></p><br/> <p>Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See <a href="https://pcm.adswizz.com">pcm.adswizz.com</a> for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.</p>